OtherDocs - Brochure Talk

What They Say	What They Mean
All the amenities	Free shower cap
Aristocratic	Needs renovation
Gentle breezes	Gale force winds
Picturesque	Theme park of Mystery Spot nearby
Carefree lifestyle	Bad service
Bustling metropolis	Thousands of hostile locals
Airy	No air conditioning
Brisk	Freezing
Open bar	All the ice cubes you want
Plush	Two sheets on the bed
Spacious	No furniture
Surprising bargains	Savings on coconut bird feeders
Convenient	Have bus fare ready
Motorcoach	Bus
Deluxe motorcoach	Bus with clean windows
Unique	No one else would do it this way
Quaint	Rundown
Warmed by Gulf Stream	Cold
Cooled by Humboldt Current	Hot
Off the beaten path	People stopped coming here
Remote	People never came here
Standard	Substandard
Deluxe	Standard
Superior	Free shower
Undiscovered	Not worth discovery
Authentic food	Cheap
Exquisite cuisine	Limited menu choices
Choice of menu	Chicken
Old World charm	No bath
Sun-drenched	Arid wasteland
Tropical	Rainy
Panoramic views	A long way from town
Majestic views	A long way from town
Options galore	No itinerary
Secluded hideaway	Impossible to find
Too numerous to mention	Writer has never visited
Preregistered rooms	Already occupied
Leisurely transfer	Tedious bus ride
Explore on your own	Pay for it yourself
"Thieves' market"	Thieves
Dare to be different	Ignore common sense
Mystery tour	Regular schedule canceled
No extra fees	No extras
Steeped in history	Old and backward
Tipping is considered an insult	Please insult us
And much, much more	That's about all there is

Travels